Note To Self #15: The Heroine Lives…

You know that moment when you’re deeply engrossed in a good book and the heroine has found herself in mortal danger… you’re feverishly reading, heart in your throat, occasionally forgetting to breath and you’re forced to take a break to refill your wine glass/rewarm the bath water. It’s during this break, while you’re thinking I’m going to be shriveled but I must finish this book NOW, that it hits you. This is the 4th in the series of 6 books. The heroine lives. I mean she must or who the hell would the other two books be about duh!

wine book bath

*My husband pointed out that this could be followed by a frantic must-read of the 5th book to get to the 6th and see if indeed the heroine finally doesn’t survive her mortal danger moment and that’s why the series end!!! But I’m not a chess player so I can’t really thing that far in advance.

UPS Man and Mail Man – Are they friends or enemies??

I headed to the front door a few minutes ago thinking I’d recently heard the mail truck pass. He goes down our street on the other side first and then comes down our side so once I hear him pass it will only be a few more minutes until he gets to us. When I got to the door I could see that the UPS truck was parked at the neighbor’s house so I thought I had just heard him but then the USPS truck pulled up to the same house. This lady must do something from home in which receiving shit tons of packages is required. I don’t know her well. She’s basically a hermit best I can tell and rents so I just don’t see the point in trying to get to know her.

FEDEX_UPS_USPS_logos1

Anyhoo, as they are both at the same house at the same time a thought crosses my mind. Do they greet each other with a certain comradery? Are they looking at each other and thinking, yep he totally gets it, this person would totally understand how much I hate this house because I’m here constantly? Or are they more like the equivalent of two male dogs, both posturing that they are the masterful option stopping just short of whipping it out and marking their territory? Does the FedEx driving have a superiority complex over both since they are now dumping their shit work onto USPS.

Is it kind of like working for McDonald’s and hoping if you suffer here long enough you’ll be a shoe in for the next opening at Chick-fil-a? And if so, which one is the shit job? Is it USPS, UPS or FedEx? USPS has those great benefits. UPS drivers are usually kind of hot, although my current one is over the hill and wears a big straw hat. FedEx is probably just happy they don’t have to wear pooh-brown uniforms.

When you’re at a friend’s Christmas party and you find out Sally’s husband works for UPS and you immediate insist on introducing him to Janet’s husband who works for the post office like all my friends do to my husband when they find out he works in IT and so does Annie’s husband? Does this drive them nuts like it does my husband? Do they stand there attempting to make small talk with one another anxiously planning their escape?

Things my husband says (the new kitten)…

Him: What the hell was that?

Me: Oh my God you squished the cat!

Him: We have a cat?????

Ok let me explain my side of the story….

It’s all my daughter-in-law’s fault. You see before she was my daughter-in-law, when she was in college living alone Ali decided to adopt a cat. She went to her local pet store’s adoption event and found the most precious little black kitten named Willow. Willow was not old enough to get “fixed” yet so they wouldn’t let Ali take the kitten home just yet. She visited nearly every day and of course sent me pictures. When it came time to spay Willow a serious health issue presented that made adoption impossible. Ali was devastated. I was devastated. She and I chatted on Skype a lot back then. Ali had already paid all of the adoption fees and the agency would not refund her money. A college student doesn’t have much money yet there are tons of kittens in need of good homes. I searched Craig’s list for kittens and sent her several options but she wasn’t ready. Meanwhile, I was in love with ALL of the kittens.

I had been touting the benefits of having chosen a black cat to Ali because they (usually) don’t produce the same dander that causes allergies. This, allergies for my husband and younger son, were the main reasons we didn’t have a cat. I had forgotten about the black cat thing. Hmmmm, maybe I could have a cat again.

All of this transpired just as my husband was about to go out of town for four days and naturally I had found the perfect kitten. Heck, if Ali wasn’t going to go see this kitten I just might have to. I could take the dogs to see if they could get along. I could bring the kitten home and make sure our son didn’t have any reaction. If he did and/or the kitten didn’t work out the hub-unit would be none the wiser.

kitten 2

Seriously. Look at those kittens. How could I resist.

Anyhoo, how the above convo went down…

So the kitten comes home. Dogs adjust beautifully. Son loves the kitten. The two of them bond like I never could have imagined. The four days pass and it’s time for the hub-unit to return. It’s Thursday night. It’s football season. I’ve decided a hearty batch of margaritas will help ease my tension of telling him what I’ve done. I also decide a pizza (frozen but with extra toppings) will be the perfect greeting after a long time away.

He comes home, greets me, put his luggage in our room and smells the pizza. *This is where he should have known something was up. But instead he was just happy to be home and excited about the pending pizza extravaganza.  Keep in mind, I’ve been SUCKING down the margaritas. Plus, his flight was delayed. Yes it was only a 30 minute delay but in tequila minutes that’s a lot!

Next thing I know he’s in the living room turning on the tv and getting in on the game channel while I’m pulling the pizza out of the oven. Our tv is located mounted above an archway and the best vantage point is opposite this location in MY recliner clear across the room, not in view of the kitchen. He has the remote in his hand and begins to back up. I saw that part but keep in mine – margaritas! He proceeds to plant his fanny on the edge of the recliner to listen to the pre-game rhetoric and low and behold a little tiny squeaky noise comes from the chair.

He comes flying out of the chair. I come running from the kitchen wielding the pizza cutter and I hear him: What the Hell was that? At which point I freak out and holler: Oh my God you squished the cat!

Little miss Chloe Cat has been a beloved member of our family ever since.

354Chloe and more 001 She really love the men in this house!