Fast forward to me in robe busting my butt sliding down our iced over ramp. Here’s what happened and it probably looked something like this…

The hubs is out of town. I needed a shower but put it off so long the night before that I decided to wait until morning, not wanting to sleep on wet hair. I get up and all is right with the world. I let the two cairn terriers out without issue. Our chihuahua is super old, almost completely blind, hard of hearing and his sniffer is starting to fail him. He was snoring so I decided to let him be. He freaks out beyond anything you can comprehend if he’s caged in any way so we just have a little bed next to the other dog’s crates for him. He gets up and wonders half the night so it’s no surprise to find him snoozing hard when I get the others up.

Off to the shower I go. It’s 17 degrees outside and I know I have to go open up the chicken coop this morning but I figure they can wait another hour while I get my shower and dry my hair. I come out of the bathroom, towel on head, big fuzzy robe on body. Crap, old dog is awake and starting to wonder. If I don’t get him outside ASAP I will be cleaning up his mess any second. Out he goes and back inside I go. I stand inside the slider door for a bit watching to make sure he gets off the deck and into the grass.

We have a dog door and he is good at finding it so I’m good with leaving him so I can go get dressed. Our closet/dressing room (converted from a bedroom) overlooks the barn and back yard area. By the time I get to our closet I see that old dog has wondered almost all the way to the chicken coop and the turkeys have taken notice. Note: the coop has an automated door the size of a dog door. They are able to get in and out once this opens but I still have to go down there to open the big door for sunshine & airflow plus feed and water them.

The turkeys have now begun to follow him and I can see the aggressive mannerisms that are about to lead to an attack. Turkeys are mean by the way. If you’ve never raised turkeys – don’t! Old dog has no idea they are even there but he’s one tough little dude so I have no doubt he can put them in their place. Still, this can’t be good. So, still not dresses, having only managed to get the undergarments on, I’m hauling butt down the hall and out the slider to yell at the turkeys.

It’s as if the turkeys got a vibe off the old dude because they had moved more into following with curiosity than aggression mode. Either that, or the old dude gave them what for while I was shooting down the hallway. Whatever the case it seemed all was ok. At about 100 yards away (that’s a football field y’all) I was still keeping a close eye on him to ensure he wasn’t completely lost and would find his way back to the house. He usually doesn’t go that far on his own.

Back in the closet I go to get dressed – FINALLY!!! Until I see the old guy heading into the woods rather than back towards the house. Ok, it’s official. He’s freaking lost. He’s going to wonder into the woods and get gobbled up by a freaking coyote or something. These are the things running through my head.

Down the hallway again, STILL IN MY ROBE. Out the door and to the edge of the deck I go, hollering at the old dude who is not acknowledging me at all when I hit the ramp and begin my decent – unintentionally. Seconds later I’m at the bottom, on my bottom, thankful for the thickness of my big fuzzy robe and extra large rump. Old dude is completely unaware but sniffing the ground and headed back this way. Seriously?!?!?

All that for nothing. He was making his way back to the house on his own just fine. He made it back, came through the dog door and went straight to his food and water, completely unaware off all the chaos that had gone down on his behalf.

Thankfully I was not seriously injured in my flight down the frozen ramp. I’ll surely have a whopper of a bruise on my tookus but I will survive. This was the first freeze of the season and I’ve now had my refresher lesson in the dangers of ice!! People die from falling on ice y’all. I’m lucky to be alive. Can you just see my husband coming home and finding my dead ass at the bottom of the ramp. Actually, he won’t be home for two more days. It’s likely the coyotes would have long since taken off with most of me by then. Geeze louise. I’ve really got to be more careful or maybe just listen to my husband and trust that old dog to find his way like he always does. Ya, what are the chances of that!!

I’m going to go take this towel off my head now, get dressed and feed the chickens. Hope y’all have a wonderful and less eventful day!!